Dear Leda,
I live in constant fear of things going wrong with my kids and no matter what they want to do, my mind jumps to the worst possible outcome.
I try not to let it effect them and I never stop them from doing what they want but I live in agony every time they go out to do something. It could be anything between a school trip abroad to a 20 minute drive to their friends house.
I understand rationally that worrying doesn’t help. I’ve also developed coping tricks that help me but, I wonder if there is another, maybe more spiritual way that I can stop feeling this way. I’m seeking some spiritual relief. I’ve tried learning how to meditate to calm myself, did yoga, but my mind never really lets me or I just won’t let it. ~ Sleepless
Dear Sleepless,
You have asked for a spiritual approach and I will answer that. But, I would like to have a longer conversation with you and work on some different approaches as well, maybe past trauma and belief patterns. Understanding how this worrying side of you developed to protect you from something and helping her see a new way of processing thoughts will help. What I understand from your note is that you’re trying spiritual approaches but your mind is getting in the way. So questioning your thoughts is a good practice. I recommend Byron Katie’s The Work and other ways of guiding your mind towards more pleasant thoughts. Not avoiding them, but understanding and guiding them.
Spiritual:
When you’re in that intense worry state, you are in contracted awareness. All you can focus on is the possible horrible outcomes. You are separated from Source. In contracted awareness, things become problems, there’s suffering.
One way to get relief is by expanding your awareness. In this new state, you don’t feel tight or fearful and solutions rise up by themselves. You are connected to Life, to Source, and other people.
Whenever you feel any worry, take three deep breaths and say silently to yourself- I’m willing to let go of the struggle. I’m open to answers from my Inner Wisdom.
Allow the worrying thoughts to be there, but take the Observer role, as if you are separate from the worrier. Be kind to that part of you but expand your awareness to see yourself connected with Source. You can use your breath to help you here. With each inhale, imagine your Self, the Inner wisdom, expanding more and more. You can even have it expand outside your body and fill the room. In this expanded state, your worry doesn’t seem to be as intense or agonizing.
Bring your attention to your body. Feel your feet, wiggle your toes, and gradually go up to legs, hips, torso, shoulders, arms, neck and head. Feel the sensation of your breath and know that you’re here, in this body, alive and well.
As you practice expanding your consciousness from constriction to expansion, you start trusting that you and your family are loved, cared for, held gently.
One beautiful thing you can do here is the Loving Kindness meditation. Hold the images of your sons and say to them:
May you be happy, healthy and whole,
May you have love, warmth and affection,
May you be protected from harm and free from fear,
May you be alive, engaged and joyful
May you experience inner peace and ease
You can picture them receiving your wishes. Much better than sending them mucky worry, right? You can change the words to your own, making them apply to the specific situation.
Next, you can wish the same things for yourself:
May I be happy, healthy and whole
May I be worry free. etc.
Hope this helps. Much love,
~Leda